When I was pregnant I felt the pressure from some family and friends to breastfeed. I originally had no interest in doing it whatsoever. Something about it made me have an uneasy feeling, and I really can't pin point exactly why. Maybe it was because I was afraid it was going to hurt, maybe it was because I thought I was going to feel completely overwhelmed because I would be my baby's only source of food, maybe it was because I had heard about how breastfed babies slept a lot less than formula fed babies in the beginning because breast milk is a lot easier to digest, or maybe it was a combination of all of the above.
T and I had many discussions about breastfeeding. We talked about the pros (breast really IS BEST) and cons, and sometime in the middle of my pregnancy I decided that I would give it a shot. If it worked out- great. If not, no big deal. I remember packing my hospital bag and not wanting to take my nursing cover out of the package in case nursing didn't work out I wanted to be able to return it. Little did I know that I would LOVE breastfeeding, ha!
In the hospital after 39 hours of labor (remember that??), I felt extremely lucky that Reese latched right on and was a little breastfeeding champ! I took a few days for my milk to completely come in- Reese was born on Monday night and Friday morning my milk REALLY came in! In the interim we were able to use a supplemental system, called an S&S made by Medela which was a huge help. Often times newborns get discouraged nursing when a mom's milk hasn't come in, and need a little help. Once my milk came in my little chunker did awesome at getting back to (and surpassing!) her birth weight the first week that we were home from the hospital. I was so excited to have such an awesome milk supply. Something about being able to feed your baby is really empowering. It's the perfect match for your baby. My body had just spent the past 9 months growing this baby, and now it was still giving her exactly what her little body needed. I never experienced cracked bleeding nipples, or any of the horror stories that you hear. Reese and I worked great together.
At Reese's 1 month appointment she showed great weight gain (10lbs 4oz) and all signs pointed to her getting enough from me. So at her 2 month appointment you would understand why T and I were a little concerned that she had only gained 9oz in a whole month (10lbs 15oz). Typically newborns gain about an ounce per day, about 2lbs per month. Reese had gained a lot less. Her pedi also expressed her concern, but told us not to worry, and that Reese may just be "finding her weight" since she was such a big baby at birth. Plus, Reese was gaining in length, so maybe that was it? Either way, her pedi wanted us to go back in a month, rather than the 2 months that they usually schedule the next appointment for for a quick weight check. After that appointment, I just felt that something wasn't right. Reese hadn't been nursing the same, she'd fall asleep at the breast and I never felt full anymore. When I pumped (which wasn't often) I'd only get an ounce if I was lucky. All of those things combined gave me the urge to call the Lactation Consultants from the hospital that we dealt with after I delivered Reese.
I went to my appointment with the LC, Patti, this past Thursday. That was when everything changed. Reese was now weighing only 10lbs 9oz- 6 oz LESS than what she weighed at her 2 month appointment 9 days prior. My heart was broken. Was my little baby starving this whole time? There is nothing worse in the world than thinking that your not providing enough for your baby. Patti asked me about Reese's weight history, how often Reese nursed (about every 2-3 hours during the day, and twice in 12 hours during the night), and about her schedule, temperament, etc. Patti immediately said that I should be supplementing with formula until I can get my supply back up. I believe she said it would be "appropriate" at this stage in the game. Bless her heart, she was trying to not make me feel bad. Patti came up with a care plan of things that she recommended me to do in order to get my supply back. These things were:
*Nurse often, every 2.5 hours. Nurse on each side for 15-20 minutes each. Then supplement with a bottle of formula (or breast milk if I had a freezer stash---which I do not). It was also recommended to use the S&S system again.
*Pump after every nursing session for at least 15 minutes.
*Take the vitamin supplement Fenugreek and drink Mother's Milk tea.
*Set an alarm clock to pump in the middle of the night since Reese sleeps at least a 7 hour stretch.
Poor Reeseybear. Poor Mama.
Poor Reeseybear. Poor Mama.
Patti suggested me calling my midwife to see if she'd prescribe me medication to help me produce more milk. I was also instructed to call Reese's pedi to let her know that she had lost weight, and of course as soon as I called, the receptionist told me that Dr. D would definitely want to see Reese. So now Friday I had to see my midwife, and Reese had to see her doctor. Talk about feeling like a failure. I went to see Beth (my midwife) who told me to forget the S&S thing, and to invest in a hands free pump bra. She agreed that I need to be pumping after nursing sessions, and getting up in the middle of the night. Beth told me that the medication that Patti was recommending I take causes depression...that was a side effect that outweighed the good in my mind! I can't be a good mama if I'm depressed. So it was a no go on the meds.
At Reese's appointment, Dr. D was so nice and positive. She kept reassuring me that if breastfeeding didn't work out that it would be okay, and Reese would be just fine. I left that appointment feeling better about having to supplement.
This weekend has been quite an emotional rollercoster for me to say the least. This pumping schedule is making me crazy, I feel like I'm just not jiving with when Reese needs to eat because I need to pump more frequently then she needs to eat since she's getting forumla, so I end up pumping and she ends up taking another bottle. It's a vicious cycle. I never thought that I'd have such an issue with the possibility of having to stop nursing. My supply just doesn't seem to be coming back or getting better. I'm still only getting about a half an ounce out of my right side, and less than that from my left. I used to be able to get about 2 ounces per side each time I'd pump. These Fenugreek pills are killing my stomach; I get sharp shooting pains after I take them. Mind you I'm taking 9 pills per day (3 pills 3x per day). And on top of everything else, I think I'm starting my first post partum period. I've had some light spotting tonight and am just beside myself. All signs are pointing to stopping nursing, yet I am not ready to throw in the towel.
To Be Continued...
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